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The Seeker
20 most recent entries

Date:2009-03-17 15:43

Yeah, so I had no idea I went all of 2008 without posting to this fuckin' thing. It's funny, because last year would've made SO many great LJ posts.

"Dear LJ, today three of my closest family members died! lolbuttz"
"Dear LJ, this month, I went to the funerals of five ex-boyfriends. They looked a lot livelier in the caskets than they did while we were dating."
"Dear LJ, I slept with a guy and wished I stil did drugs. It was that bad."
"Dear LJ, I'm a drunken whore. Yay!"
"Dear LJ, Jacob died, and the funeral was a few days ago. Open casket. He didn't look like him and I kept waiting for someone to say 'SUPRISE! It's a joke hahaha!' but no one did. They just cried. I kept going through Xmas where everyone acted so... normal. Asking about boyfriends and school and work, when all I could think was HE'S DEAD. At the party Mama D threw, I tried to drink myself into a social mood, but when Megan asked how my Christmas was, I kinda wanted to say, 'Oh, other than seeing the guy I loved stiff in his coffin, it was boring.' Hearing John joke about how 'he's not gonna pull a Jacob Straw' broke my heart all over again. Merry Christmas and Happy Fuckin' New Year!"
"Dear LJ, nothing is right in the world. Hurray!"

Yeah, so, Happy St. Paddy's Day?

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Date:2009-01-31 15:49
Subject:Wow, this feels weird.
Mood: relaxed

Um, hi?

So, now that I'm kinda sorta back, expect the usual bullshit.


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Date:2007-09-20 13:16
Subject:Le Bookworm

I admit. I ordered If I Did It. Hopefully it'll come next week, so I'll be done reading the Pendergast series and re-reading Bitch by the time it comes in. I'm really curious about it, and I'm positive that the whole scandal is going to make it a huge "success". Well, good for the Goldman family then. Get that money!

And speaking of OJ, he's been released until his trial... blah blah blah. I'm pretty sure that everyone on the jury will already think he's guilty, because he is. If not for the whole sports memorabilia thing, then, well, you know what I'm saying.


It's gorgeous out. I'm going to toss on a bikini and read Relic until it's TTG. Call my cell if you need me. And yes, that includes later tonight. I'll still answer.


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Date:2007-09-19 15:41

UF rules. Plain and simple.

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Date:2007-09-18 01:51
Mood: meh.

I hurry home... to not sleep. Awesome.

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Date:2007-09-16 15:54
Mood: tired


Cochran is dead now, asshat! And Kardashian is too, right? I think so. WHO'S GONNA GET YOU OFF, EH? I so wanna hear his crazy ass excuse for why it wasn't him. And now he can write another book, which all the rights will go to the Goldman family as well. Haha, Robert Blake has lost his Guilty Golf Partner. That's okay, Robbie. I heard that YOU SUCK.


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Date:2007-09-10 00:54

I'm going to get pierced again.

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Date:2007-08-24 08:20

My Bio prof is Bill Cosby.

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Date:2007-08-08 23:49

*North Carolina - Appalachian hiking
*Sanibel Island snorkeling
*New York/Boston with Jess
*Key West camping
*Milwaukee with Clint
*California with Timmy
*Cruise sailing

Where am I going? :)

Date:2007-07-19 23:40

I'm not dead. I'm just kinda busy/tired/fighting epic battles with soup/reading/you know the drill.

So.. yeah. I'll write when I've got some time.


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Date:2007-07-10 23:40
Subject:Because I miss doing memes (from apocalypsos)
Mood: contemplative

I've not done the 'tell me something random, ask me five questions' meme for the very simple reason that I have a ridiculously hard time coming up with five different questions for everybody (I'd give everybody the same five questions if it didn't make me feel damn guilty) but if anyone wants to ask me five or however many questions and/or tell me something random then you're most welcome to.

And now, let the fun begin!

(Same as usual, all comments are anonymous/screened and if it isn't a personal issue for either of us, then I'll unlock the comment with my responce there. Otherwise, I'll e-mail you.)

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Date:2007-07-04 00:06

I am officially declaring tomorrow NAKED DAY. I will celebrate the festives with naked tanning, naked napping, naked fireworks (that could be painful), skinny-dipping, naked BBQ, naked... you get the idea.

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Date:2007-07-03 15:22

Dracula castle up for sale.

So, guys, I was thinking... We should totally fucking buy this thing.

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Date:2007-06-25 23:14

WWE wrestler, wife and son, found dead. I don't even know what to say to this.

When things like that happen, it's just a shock to me. Life is random, no patterns what-so-ever. People only make the predictability even more complex. And their actions defy logic. It's terrible. And even thinking in such pathetic terms is an insult to the tragedy. But it's all we can do to make ourselves accept it and keep living ourselves.

Date:2007-06-14 00:20


Date:2007-06-11 12:44

The more I read Wurtzel, the more I start to feel like she talks about feeling. The less I feel for anything, the more I begin to feel that everything is pointless and hopeless and wrong with the world. I feel almost like I can't begin to talk about feeling this way because no one else feels like I do, despite how I feel like her. It's misery and blankness and desperate and everything is just so much that it's small and insignificant.

I don't want love or like or fairness or anything at all. I want to wallow in the sludge of everything and nothing. I want to write my memoir. I want to write a dissertation on contemporary feminist theory and what bullshit it is in application to current sociological ideals. I want something big and grand and amazing so that I can waste my life being a Well-to-do Writer of Big Ideas. I want more than I deserve of everything.

I want to talk about these ideas and thoughts in my head, but I don't want to. Because I don't want anyone to undercut them and their impact on my life. I'm possessive of this and them and everything that is mine. But that's all I have to offer that isn't superficial or a facade I portray.

I'm exhausted. I don't want relationships or romance or being polite to people when I don't want them. It's all bullshit and it's all the same. Over and over. Heartbreak, obsession, involvement, hedonism, nihilism, determinism, agnosticism, pornography, lying, hurting, loving, hating, pleasure, pain, it's all becoming the same. For everyone. Forever. I don't want to be told what I should think, feel, do, say, just because society deems I should follow its code of decorm. Fuck that.

I'm not going to say no when I mean yes, God right fucking now in order to not seem 'easy' or 'immoral' beacuse I want to have sex. I'm not going to act like I'm not a lusty creature who enjoys sex or giving blowjobs or fucking without attachment, just because my sexual possibilities send society into a tailspin of controversy and fear. I'm not going to keep a stiff upper lip or turn the other cheek when I am used, abused, wronged and thrown to the side like so much trash because I am human, I am a woman, and I deserve much fucking better than that. I'm going to vinidcate my emotions with actions, not sit outside a cafe, sobbing to my girlfriends, asking why doesn't he love me anymore? because that is bullshit, that is giving in, and I'm going to fight to prove that I am right and real and alive.

I'm not going to take this passive life sitting down and letting a moral majority steamroll me. I'm not going to be classified, packaged and set aside. I'm not going to go softly into any night, sweet or dark. I will kick and scream and do whatever is necessary to be heard, recognized, dealt with. I will generate a force larger than they can ignore, larger than can be reckoned with, greater than can be brushed off as the ranting of a small, insignificant being.

I will be heard. I will be in everyone's faces. I will consume until I decide that yes, I am finally sated, now you can have your way. I won't give up, and I'll never give in. I will never be attained, detained, arraigned, charge, convicted, or forgotten. I will live beyond the mean, beyond my means, beyond dreams. I'll never take no for an answer when I want yes. I will fucking live, even when I feel dead.

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Date:2007-06-11 00:29

TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOU. This one is focused on YOU, but an ego-centric one will most likely be on it's way. Comments, as usual, are screened. Do this, because I'm motherfucking bored as hell.

1.)Q. Can you cook?

2.)Q. What was your dream growing up?

3.)Q. What talent do you wish you had?

4.)Q. If I bought you a drink what would it be?

5.)Q. Favorite vegetable?

6.)Q. What was the last book you read?

7.)Q. What zodiac sign are you ?

8.)Q. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

9.)Q. Worst Habit?

10.)Q. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?

11.)Q. What is your favorite sport?

12.)Q. Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13.)Q. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14.)Q. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15.)Q. Tell me one weird fact about you:

16.)Q. Do you have any pets?

17.)Q. What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?

18.)Q. What was your first impression of me?

19.)Q. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20.)Q. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???

21.)Q. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22.)Q. What color eyes do you have?

23.)Q. Ever been arrested?

24.)Q. Bottle or Draft?

25.)Q. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?

26.)Q. Would you date me?

27.)Q. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?

28.)Q. Do you believe in ghosts?

29.)Q. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30.)Q. Do you swear a lot?

31.)Q. Biggest pet peeve?

32.)Q. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33.)Q. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same

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Date:2007-06-07 17:47
Subject:Thought I should share the stupid, sweet part of me with y'all. For once.
Mood: loved

A while back, I got a single back when I bought smokes and didn't think much of it, until I went to spend it. On the back, someone had written "Your mine never 4get that I <3 you" [sic]. I know it wasn't meant for me, and that whoever was given that spent it at fucking 7-11, and besides, that's a sentiment that no one would associate with me... but in that ridiculous and sappy bit of me, that is thrilled to bits by romantic comedies and love songs and caring gestures, was absolutely tickled to see that message. So now, whenever I'm feeling stressed or down, I pull it out, and smile. Makes me instantly happy to think maybe i'm wrong, and that's usually an association I refuse to make, my loves.

Now, off to sleep. Ha. I'm funny.

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Date:2007-06-02 13:55


I hate everything. Damn you Barry! DAMN YOU TO TROPICAL STORM HELL.

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Date:2007-05-28 18:13


link to A Breed Apart playing "Cumbersome". You guys ROCK MY FACE OFF.

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